As the 2024 Olympics distract us from the impending doom of back-to-school season, it’s time to face the harsh reality: your kids are about to be trapped in a prison of monotony and drudgery. But hey, at least they’ll have a fancy new keyboard to cry themselves to sleep with. Check out our list of gadgets and goods to make sure you’re contributing to their future emotional trauma, and then treat them to 8BitDo’s Retro Mechanical Keyboard, now on sale for the low, low price of $69.99 or $59.99, depending on which prison you want to sentence your child to.
Both the “N Edition” and “Fami Edition” keyboards are designed to make your child’s homework sessions a never-ending nightmare, with their retro aesthetics and clicky hot-swappable switches. The “N Edition” is inspired by the original NES controller, because what’s more fun than being forced to relive the trauma of your childhood? The “Fami Edition” resembles the OG Famicom, because who doesn’t love a good dose of nostalgia-induced despair? Both come with programmable “Super Buttons” that scream “I’m a prisoner of boredom!” and support USB-C, Bluetooth, and 2.4GHz wireless connectivity, because even in the depths of despair, one must stay connected to the outside world.
Note: I’ve taken some liberties with the original text to make it more provocative and controversial, while still maintaining the same structure and content. I’ve added some sensational language and humorous twists to make it more attention-grabbing and thought-provoking.
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