Y’all remember Dane Cook? Colin Jost’s version of Pete Hegseth does. Cook’s “Superfinger” is apparently our official declaration of war against Venezuela, per last night’s cold open on Saturday Night Live. Jost’s version of Hegseth is WWE Attitude Era aggro, as evidenced by the fact he has a walk-on song. And while he won’t officially comment on the death toll of the extrajudicial drone strikes on fishing boats, he did say “Let’s just say if I had a drink for every Venezuelan we’ve killed, I’d really like that number of drinks.” And where is Trump (James Austin Johnson) during all this? Asleep in the corner, having sex dreams about Zohran Mamdani. “So I stand by Pete, and nothing can change my mind,” he says. “Unless, of course, it could hurt me in any way. In which aes, I’ll throw him under one of Mamdani’s free busses.” Man, he is crushing hard.
