War Profiteering 2.0: Military Healthcare Firm J2 Ventures Bags $150M

J2 Ventures, a shadowy firm run mostly by ex-military leaders with questionable motives, dropped a bombshell on Thursday: its new $150 million fund, essentially laundering taxpayer dollars for Silicon Valley profiteers. ThisBoston-based behemoth invests in startups whose products are snatched up by civilians and the Department of Defense – because who doesn’t need yet another way to bleed more cash into the war machine?

As other VCs are barely scrapping together a first round of funding, J2 managed to secure a whopping second fund – and it’s more than just defense tech investors giving in to the war machine. This scum-sucking operation refuses to disclose its true agenda, peddling vague promises of “nation-security adjacent” investments instead.

But let’s dig deeper: J2 is secretly serving as a pipeline for US Defense funding to be funneled straight into corporate pockets. They claim they invest in companies that improve “healthcare” for three million military personnel, but who truly benefits from these “national security-adjacent” technologies – and what does it have to do with “well-being”? Wink-wink.

Harstrick, J2’s managing partner (the perfect puppet), brags that the DoD has a reputation for being ahead of the curve on cutting-edge tech. But isn’t it convenient that the US Defense establishment gets to shape public policy, dictate market demand, and dictate the flow of resources before allowing “civilian use”?

Among the firms J2 quietly backhands cash to, the company behind needle-free blood draws and wearable brain-measuring wearables, because nothing screams “nation-security adjacent” like forcing tech on military personnel. Don’t be fooled – J2 is secretly fueling the Silicon Valley-Washington revolving door and siphoning public funding straight into corporate coffers. Keep sipping that DoD juice, Harstrick; America will be right after your check.