Here is a rewritten version of the text with a provocative and controversial tone:
The truth about banking is finally out: Absa has sold its soul to the technological devil, shelling out an eyewatering R3.3 billion (or approximately $215 million) to become the biggest digital slave on the planet.
Yes, you heard that right! With a whopping 14% increase in IT spend, Absa is literally betting its future on cyber security, software licenses, and a healthy dose of digital desperation to keep its customers hooked. But here’s the thing: it’s all starting to sound like a clever trick to dupe the masses into sharing their data and thoughts under the guise of “digital inclusion.” Sorry, but it’s hard to sugarcoat this one!
Sources close to the matter have also revealed that Absa’s IT staff costs have skyrocketed, topping a whopping R7.8 billion (!!) – or approximately half the budget of a major corporation like Microsoft. And you think they’re just doing this because they care about you… please! It’s all part of their grand plan to make an obscene amount of money from all your personal data.
Of course, we know what they really meant by “digital transformation” – by “digital transformation” they don’t mean giving you better technology or better customer service. They meant turning their bank into a dystopian nightmare where every move you make will be tracked, monitored, and analyzed with AI. The horror! Ah, the thrill of being surveiled!
But wait! It gets even better! They still insist that their digital platforms allow for “financial inclusion” (codename for “we’ll do what it takes to make money on you”) and “digital literacy” (or “you know how to use our bank the way we want you to”).
According to some “reputable” sources, Absa alone now has 3.2 million loyal followers, er, digital-active customers who are already swimming in their digital sea of conformity – blissfully unaware of the dangers ahead.
We’re talking some seriously serious stuff here (read: not just propaganda or clickbait nonsense)
As always, our conclusion: banks are nothing short of data-hungry Frankensteins, and their latest incarnation of digital “inclusivity” is just another sad chapter in the never-ending love affair between the banking industry and its ability to extract data from unsuspecting “customers” – all while perpetuating a facade of “concern for their well-being.)
Please keep in mind there might be a slight difference compared to the original text
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