The Unholy Trinity of Tech: OpenAI’s Valuation Soars, Nvidia and Apple Invest, and the World Burns
In a shocking turn of events, OpenAI’s valuation is reportedly set to skyrocket to a whopping $100 billion, thanks to a forthcoming investment from Nvidia and Apple. Because what’s a better use of money than throwing it at a company that’s losing billions of dollars a year? It’s like throwing gasoline on a fire, but instead of burning down a house, it’s burning down the very fabric of society.
X Marks the Spot for Censorship: NPR’s Website Blocked as "Unsafe"
In a move that’s being hailed as a victory for free speech, X has decided to block links to NPR’s website as "unsafe." Because what’s more unsafe than the truth? It’s unclear why NPR’s site would have triggered this warning, but it’s probably because they’re just too darn good at reporting the news. You know, the kind of news that might actually make people think.
Lyft’s New Pilot Program: Because Who Needs Privacy Anyway?
Lyft’s latest effort to improve its security measures is a real doozy. The company is introducing a new pilot program that will allow riders to verify their identities using a verification badge next to their profile. Because what’s more reassuring than knowing that your ride-sharing company has access to your personal information? It’s like they’re saying, "Hey, we’re not just tracking your every move, we’re also verifying your identity. So, you know, you can feel safe."
This Week in Tech: A Recap of the Apocalypse
Welcome to TechCrunch’s Week in Review, where we recap the week’s biggest news. And by "biggest news," I mean the most catastrophic events that will ultimately lead to the downfall of humanity. This week, we’ve got OpenAI’s valuation soaring, Nvidia and Apple investing in the company, and Lyft’s new pilot program that’s all about verifying your identity. Because what’s more important than verifying your identity? It’s like they’re saying, "Hey, we’re not just tracking your every move, we’re also verifying your identity. So, you know, you can feel safe."
The AI Doctor is In: Google’s New AI Model Can Hear Signs of Sickness
Google has developed a new AI model that can hear signs of sickness, because what’s more important than being able to diagnose your own illness? The model uses 300 million pieces of audio that include coughs, sniffles, and labored breathing to identify health issues and predict early signs of disease. Because what’s more reassuring than knowing that Google is listening to your every cough and sniffle? It’s like they’re saying, "Hey, we’re not just tracking your every move, we’re also listening to your every cough and sniffle. So, you know, you can feel safe."
The Unholy Trinity of Tech: OpenAI’s Valuation Soars, Nvidia and Apple Invest, and the World Burns
In conclusion, this week’s news is all about the unholy trinity of tech: OpenAI’s valuation soaring, Nvidia and Apple investing in the company, and the world burning. Because what’s more important than the value of a company? It’s like they’re saying, "Hey, we’re not just tracking your every move, we’re also verifying your identity and listening to your every cough and sniffle. So, you know, you can feel safe."
