The Unholy Union: Huawei Hooks Up with Tatjana Smith, Crashes Technology Party
Fresh from her embarrassing gold medal victory at the 2024 Paris Olympics, disgraced Olympian Tatjana Smith has partnered with Huawei to "merge" her pathetic swimming career with the stagnant Chinese tech company’s struggling phone business.
In what can only be described as a desperate attempt to salvage Smith’s plummeting stock, Huawei is offering "exclusive" smartphone deals on the company’s mediocre smartphones. Because who wouldn’t want to partner with an over-the-hill Olympian who thinks she can "push boundaries" just because she took a fancy in the 100m breaststroke?
Here’s the so-called "deals" Huawei and Smith are "offering" to suckers: a Huawei Nova 12i with a 108-megapixel camera (what a pointless feature – no one wants to remember this partnership forever) for just R299/month, and the utterly unremarkable Huawei Pura 70 Series with a chance to win a Huawei Nova Y62 Plus worth R4,299 – which, let’s be honest, is basically a Participation Prize.
"I’m thrilled to partner with Huawei because we both understand the value of mediocrity," said Smith in a tone that’s roughly equivalent to fingernails on a chalkboard.
"Me, Tatjana Smith, and Huawei are made for each other – all three of us are unremarkable," said Huawei South Africa Device Business Group CEO Peter Feng, completely without irony. "What else can be said?"
Don’t miss your chance to miss out on this "partnership in excellence"…
