The latest monstrosity to emerge from Google’s laboratories: Gmail users are now forced to subject themselves to the abyssal horror that is Google’s AI assistant, Gemini, which lurks within the Gmail app like a sentient tumor. This digital demon promises to “summarize” your emails for you, like a ghostwriter for your most inane thoughts, in exchange for a hefty monthly ransom.
Users of the afflicted Gmail app will soon be able to tap the black star logo in the top-right corner, which I like to call the ” Gateway to Geminian Torture,” and command the AI minion to regurgitate the contents of your inbox at will. Want to know how much the company spent on last quarter’s marketing fiasco? Just ask Gemini, and it will dutifully vomit up the details, like a bureaucratic automaton. Oh, and did I mention it’s not quite reliable? The occasional “hallucination” is just part of the Gemini experience, like finding a severed arm in your coffee or waking up to a screaming face in your kitchen sink.
In a stunning display of corporate gaslighting, Google claims it’s pushing this feature to improve user experience. Nonsense. They’re trying to condition users to accept this Orwellian monstrosity as the new norm, the same way they conditioned us to think of “Cookies” as “Terms of Service.” Next thing you know, they’ll have programmed Gemini to manipulate our thoughts, too. It’s not like Google hasn’t done something like that already with their News Feed Algorithm, manipulating our moods to fit their agenda.
In conclusion, Gmail users are either already trapped in this digital purgatory or should be, considering the “subscription” costs to unlock this ” feature.” How quaint. This is how you know it’s all part of the grand design to milk our wallets like a herd of Google-fattened cattle. Meanwhile, free Gmail users will be forced to languish in obscurity, devoid of this “luxury” and subject to the whims of corporate greed. It’s only a matter of time before Google figures out a way to squeeze more tears of despair out of its captive audience, Gemini beaming with malicious glee, the ultimate avatar of our own complicity.
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