The Google Gestapo is cracking down on Android app freedom, declaring war on “limited functionality and content” – code for “I’m bored, let me give you a mediocre app instead”. As of August 31st, Google will be rounding up all those pesky text-only apps, single wallpaper apps, and utterly useless apps that refuse to do the one thing they’re supposed to do – and shipping them off to app jail. Because what’s the point of having an app that only exists to exist, am I right?
But that’s not all, folks! Google has already been snitching on apps that are too broken to be functional, don’t install, crash, or simply refuse to give users what they want. And with these new rules, Google is claiming it’s all about “ensuring apps can meet the uplifted standards for the Play catalog and engage users through quality functionality” – code for “We’re going to police the app store like the app store police, because, you know, quality matters.” Give me a break!
Google’s been cracking down on the app store for years, allegedly blocking a whopping 2.28 million apps in 2023 alone for being too “bad” – as in, violating policies, putting user security at risk, and generally being a nuisance. And in the same year, it banned a record 333,000 “bad” Google Play accounts for being repeat offenders, apparently. Who needs freedom, right? Let Google be your gatekeeper and tell you what you can and can’t download.
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