Last week’s cutesy, comedy-less rom-com was all good and well — a little something for the moms watching — but thank god we’re finally back to the story between Ilya and Shane that got us invested in this show in the first place. Their long-distance, slow-burn situationship is well portrayed through a montage at the beginning of the episode that spans 2014 to 2016. We see them continue to text, Ilya partying and Shane shooting brand deals, and both checking their calendars for the next game they have against each other. Those games are intercut with glimpses of the sex they’re having afterwards, and after Shane wins two cups, Ilya texts him, “The only cup you’ll have next year is the one I’ll take off with my mouth.”
But naturally, over this long stretch of time, people are asking about their respective romantic lives. During a trip to the aquarium with Hayden and his four kids, who only appear off-screen (saving production money that they can then spend on body oil), he asks about an ex of Shane’s, and tries to set him up with one of his wife’s friends. Even Shane’s parents try to set him up with a Swedish princess — a brief break from their usual focus on his brand deals. Even Ilya gets pressed by Svetlana about whether he’s dating, and she asks about the mysterious “Jane” he’s texting. But neither of them seems open to any romantic prospects outside of one another.
Finally, the pair meet again at Ilya’s place, and waste no time kissing right there in the entryway, where Ilya lifts Shane up onto the counter. We then cut to Shane riding him in bed like a Zamboni, before getting spun around in a smooth position switch. Afterwards, when Shane suggests that he should go, Ilya asks him to spend the night, adding, “I’m not done with you.” Even hotter than the bare asses.
It’s also a marked shift from what we’re used to seeing between them, especially from Ilya. In the first two episodes, their relationship was predominantly physical, but naturally, over such a long stretch of time, a personal connection has grown. Amongst other things, a-yo! What happens when Shane stays is far more intimate and vulnerable than anything we’ve seen thus far — they cuddle, Ilya asks if Shane’s ginger ale is cold enough, and even offers to make him a tuna melt. A tuna melt! Get a room, you two, Jesus. But with this evolution comes confusion. Purely sexual or fully romantic are much easier connections for someone to wrap their head around than this grey, in-between area on that spectrum.
For example, when they’re sitting on the couch, Ilya mentions sleeping with Svetlana and dating women, which Shane seems to bristle at. In turn, Shane says he likes girls too, even though Ilya hasn’t seen any proof of this. “I like girls, but I also like you,” Ilya tells him. “Not as a person, of course. But you have a good mouth.” The barb points out the elephant slowly wandering into the room — are they just mouths (and butts), or are they people in each other’s lives? While the first half of this conversation points to the former, the next part, in which Shane asks if Ilya’s father is okay after overhearing a tense phone call, suggests the latter. “Oh, you speak Russian now?” he asks, to which Shane replies, “I know the word for father.” Yeah, I bet he knows the Russian word for daddy, too.
Cuddling on the couch quickly turns to Shane getting on top of Ilya yet again, this time jerking them both off. But post-completion, Shane suddenly has a change of heart and quickly decides to leave, saying, “I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” It’s like he’s reading off that Post-It note Berger left for Carrie Bradshaw. That grey area might just be too much for him to wrap his head around.
Later in the episode, Shane gets invited to a party where the show essentially presents him with his two potential paths. First, when he orders a drink, a seemingly flirtatious male bartender gives it to him for free — so that’s what’s available behind Door Number One. But behind Door Number Two is the actress Rose Landry (played by Yellowjackets’s Sophie Nélisse). Impossible to say which is the gayer choice: gay sex or hanging out with Young Melanie Lynskey. Ultimately, he chooses the latter. She’s in town shooting a new “X-Squad” movie, and being that she grew up in a family of hockey fans, the pair naturally hit it off.
But what’s really driving this connection? A high profile relationship would make sense if Shane was facing questions about his sexuality from the public, but any pressure to date has really just come from his close friends and family. There’s also the possibility that he’s actually into Rose. But the timing of this is interesting, with it happening right after Ilya mentioned sleeping with women himself. Is this some kind of competitive bi-off? Or maybe he’s scared that his connection with Ilya is beginning to shift more toward the romantic than the physical, and this is an attempt to run or course-correct.
In any case, the relationship soon goes public. Paparazzi photos of the pair are taken, Rose wears his jersey to a game, and they quickly become the hot celebrity/sports couple — like Travis and Taylor. Ilya, being the Karlie Kloss in this situation, is, of course, disgruntled by the coverage.
Two weeks later, they’re playing against each other again, and per usual, Shane is on his phone before the game. But this time it’s Rose he’s texting, who wants him to go out to the club with her afterwards. Old habits die hard, though, and we see him check his messages with Ilya…but nothing. Maybe that’s why they both end up underperforming in what turns out to be a dud of a game, though we do at least get one quick glimpse of Ilya throwing Shane up against the glass out on the ice. Oh, I didn’t realize this was an exhibition match.
After the game, Shane meets up with Rose as planned, and despite being exhausted, agrees to dance with her at the club. But guess who also decided to go to what seems to be Montreal’s only club after the game? Ilya, who watches on after spotting hockey’s new it-couple together across the dance floor. But two can play at that game, so Ilya finds a girl of his own and ups the ante by making out with her in front of Shane. I can already picture the fan edits of this scene set to “Dancing On My Own” by Robyn. But since this is a Crave Original, that of course isn’t the song actually playing, it’s “All The Things She Said” by (fittingly) Russian duo t.A.T.u.
But quick sidebar: what’s the deal with Rose’s friend Miles? He’s actively flirting with Shane at their table, makes eyes at Ilya at the bar, and then, in the strangest move of all, joins Shane and Rose on the dance floor and not only grinds up behind Shane, but kisses his neck like they’re in Challengers? And it goes completely unacknowledged by everyone. What the fuck is that about?
Perhaps because the club refused to play Robyn’s music, both of our hockey players soon leave. Shane has sex with Rose, which feels a little like watching a dog walk on its hind legs, whereas Ilya is left to jerk off alone in the shower. But as we cut back and forth between their respective completions, it feels like the moment they’re both actually still in is the brief eye contact they made on the dance floor.
• 12:34: Shane’s butt in motion, grinding as he rides Ilya. Classless.
• 12:50: A rear shot of him walking toward Ilya in bed, fully nude. Tasteful.
• 41:28: Ilya’s hockey butt narrowly avoids shattering the glass as he jerks off in the shower. Christmas came early and so did he.
