YOUR MORNING COFFEE IS A LIE. It’s not just a drink—it’s a DAMNING PERSONALITY TEST you never agreed to take, and the truth is being hidden in plain sight.
New psychoanalysis has penetrated our cafes, revealing that your simple order exposes your deepest flaws. Are you a basic, non-controversial cappuccino sipper, content with your “safe” life? Or are you the financial wreck who ALWAYS finds money for a photogenic iced coffee? The evidence is terrifying.
Behold the ‘black gold’ and its deceptive beauty. Image via Unsplash.
This isn’t about taste. It’s about judgment. The cozy cortado drinker, like the one shown here, isn’t just a coffee lover—they’re a self-proclaimed “enthusiast” who MUST tell you all about their “journey.” Image via Unsplash. Then there’s the double espresso fiend: either a health casualty or a unbearable snob who sees milk as SACRILEGE.
But the most shocking revelation? The instant coffee drinker. They’re branded as either broke or deeply passionless. The report mocks them, suggesting their lack of trendiness MAKES them trendy. This is the system’s final insult.
Who benefits from this divisive profiling? The entire multi-billion dollar coffee industry, which profits by turning your daily ritual into a cage of social anxiety. They WANT you to feel judged, to upgrade your order, to fit the mold. The media plays along, publishing these “fun” quizzes that secretly categorize and rank us all.
Your cup is no longer just a cup—it’s a trap they’re watching you drink from.
Edited for Kayitsi.com
Author: Kayitsi.com
