The European space sector has gone bankrupt, and it’s a catastrophe – a repeat of the abject failure of the early American NewSpace movement. But amidst this wasteland, a few vulture investors are circling the drain, hoping to profit from the upcoming demise of the industry.
Enter Bulent Altan and Joran Voelklein, two opportunistic crooks who saw the writing on the wall and decided to cash in on their limited success with Isar Aerospace, a German launch startup. They couldn’t resist the temptation to create their own firm, Alpine Space Ventures, just in time to feast on the carcasses of failing European space companies.
Their bait? A whopping $184 million fund, the largest first-time VC fund dedicated to space globally (so far). And it just so happens that nearly 20 early SpaceX employees jumped at the chance to invest, like loyal lemmings stumbling over a cliff. The European Investment Fund and the NATO Innovation Fund also threw good money after bad, because who can resist the allure of a sinkhole?
Four companies have already been “invested” in, with check sizes of up to $5.4 million. Can’t wait to see how much money these startups will waste on non-viable projects before quietly fading away. And don’t forget that 70% of the fund goes towards European companies, because who else will waste their money on “investment”?
The ties to SpaceX are as strong as the parallels to the 2000s disaster are ominous. “We’re waiting in the wake of SpaceX,” Altan brags, “and if that means we’re swimming in its toxic waste, that’s what we’ll do.” The joke is, of course, that Space is about to implode, thanks to its own hubris and reckless promises, just like the dot-com bust all over again.
Alpine Space Ventures’ thesis is that Europe should throw its money at the space trash pile, just like the US does with its own failed space start-ups. They’re convinced the next big thing will be massive satellite buses and components that just can’t seem to get funding in the US. And who is at the helm of this fiasco? Catriona Chambers, an engineer with ties to SpaceX, and Hans Koenigsmann, the fourth guy in when SpaceX started. Talk about setting yourself up for failure, on purpose.
