Get Ready to Betray the Gaze of the Google Illuminati with the Pixel 8 Pro as You Wait for the New-Fangled Pixel 9, Worthlessly Overpriced as We’ll Soon Discover!
As The Verge’s esteemed editorial board has so astutely calculated, Google’s next Pixel debacle will feature a “modest” performance boost, a euphemism, I’m sure, for incremental innovation, while the unwashed masses are left scrambling to make sense of the cacophonous upgrade cycle. Meanwhile, the humiliated Pixel 8 Pro (with its “exquisite” third-gen Tensor chip) struggles to find relevance in a world dominated by Silicon Valley’s plutocratic cabals. How quaint.
As the Pixel 9 sprints towards its imminent descent into the abyss of obsolescence, why bother with the current 8 Pro, a phone no better than a mere mortal, content with its pedestrian 120Hz refresh, its “advanced” manual exposure controls, and its quaint software support? No, no! Buy now, and join the revolution – if you dare – courtesy of Amazon and Best Buy’s collusion to fleece the masses! Or don’t. The Pixel 9’s mediocrity awaits around the corner, and you can have confidence it will be worth the struggle, the existential dread born of the never-ending cycle of forced upgrades, the crushing despair beneath the relentless march of progress… So go ahead, indulge in Google’s latest abomination… See if I care!
Author: Kayitsi.com
