You don’t owe your family anything, especially if they don’t even make the effort to know you or your children.
There is this belief that if it’s family, then you must love and cherish them, just because family is stronger than anything else. Well, I’m here to break that dangerous social construction. Dangerous because it is common for family members to take benefit from that. Just because you are related to someone does not excuse them from mistreating you. It also doesn’t make them forgivable for anything they do. A family member is just that, family, not someone special or a nice person. That depends solely on their way of behaving, not on the familiarity they have with you.
The main problem with believing that just because someone is related to you, they are an excuse to do anything is that it makes us unhappy by forgiving every single bad thing they do. Also, if ones you decide to act on their behavior, for example, cutting ties with them, well, then it is probable that other family members start excluding you because you were not good to family. As if just because someone is family, they are entitled to do anything they want, and you have the unavoidable task of accepting it.
In the story below, we encounter a grandad who doesn’t really want to make an effort to have a good relationship with his daughter or grandkids. Then why is it the mom’s responsibility to keep in touch? Why does she have to organize to go visit him? If he doesn’t want to take time to know his family members, why should she make the effort for him? Just because it’s family? Well, no. Family works both ways. If you stop making an effort to care for them, then they owe you nothing. Family IS conditioned on whether they are interested in forming a meaningful relationship or not. It’s not only about being related. It’s about taking an interest in family members, both ways.
Author: Kayitsi.com
