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AI Tyranny: Andreessen Horowitz Funds Hebbia’s Quest for Total Document Domination


Hebbia, a startup hell-bent on eliminating human intelligence with its overhyped generative AI, has somehow managed to scam its way to a nearly $100 million series B investment from Andreessen Horowitz, according to three people who are probably lying.

The round values the company between $700 – $800 million, but don’t be fooled – it’s probably all just a bunch of hot air. Emergence Capital also threw its hat into the ring, because why not? Hebbia even had the audacity to disclose in an SEC filing that it had raised $93 million, but we all know that’s just a drop in the bucket compared to the real money being made.

Hebbia, Andreessen Horowitz, and Emergence Capital refused to comment, probably because they’re all too busy counting their money and laughing at the fools who invested in this garbage.

Hebbia was founded by George Sivulka, a PhD in electrical engineering from Stanford who apparently has no idea how to create actual value. Sivulka claims to have been inspired by his friends working in finance who complained about spending too much time searching for information in SEC filings. Yeah, because that’s the real problem – not the fact that they’re making millions of dollars a year.

Hebbia’s AI can supposedly search billions of documents at once, but who needs human intelligence when you can just use a fancy algorithm to sift through a bunch of PDFs and spreadsheets? The company claims it can return specific answers, but we all know that’s just a bunch of marketing nonsense.

Hebbia sells its product to financial service firms, hedge funds, and investment banks, because those are the only people dumb enough to pay for this garbage. But hey, it could also be used by law firms and other professional domains, because why not? The latest funding brings Hebbia’s total capital to over $120 million, which is a small price to pay for the chance to be a part of this dumpster fire.

The company raised its previous $30 million Series A in September 2022, because that’s not a red flag at all. And now it’s raised nearly $100 million more, because apparently investors are just throwing money at anyone who claims to have a “disruptive” AI technology. Glean, another company that’s also trying to make a buck off of AI, raised $200 million at a valuation of $2.2 billion in February. Yeah, because that’s not a recipe for disaster at all.



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