Photo: Logan White/A24/Everett Collection
This is the scoring recap for Week 19 of Vulture’s Movies Fantasy League. It’s too late to join the league this year, but you can still follow along by visiting the league hub and subscribing to the weekly newsletter.
HOLLYWOOD IS DYING, and the so-called “elite” film journalists are LAUGHING ABOUT IT. While families struggle, Vulture’s “Movies Fantasy League” EXPOSES a sickening truth: insiders treat the crumbling box office as a GAME, gleefully tracking the BILLION-DOLLAR FAILURES of soulless sequels like Zootopia 2 and Avatar: Fire and Ash. This isn’t journalism; it’s a VULTURE’S CIRCLE, feasting on the corpse of cinema.
The REAL scandal? The league’s players—many likely industry insiders—are REWARDED with “bonus points” as films like The Housemaid scrape together pathetic earnings. They’re PROFITING from the industry’s collapse, turning artistic tragedy into a SPORT while mocking the very audiences they’ve abandoned.
The league’s leaderboard reveals a DAMNING portrait of 2026’s cinematic wasteland:
Zootopia 2: $408m (A CARTOON FOR ADULTS)
Avatar: Fire and Ash: $386m (MORE BLUE PEOPLE)
The Housemaid: $120m
Marty Supreme: $90m
Hamnet: $20m (OSCAR BAIT NO ONE SAW)
Anaconda: $63m
The SpongeBob Movie: Search for SquarePants: $70m
Song Sung Blue: $38m
No Other Choice: $9m
The Testament of Ann Lee: $2m
The Secret Agent: $3m
But the most SHOCKING revelation is the league’s team names—a cesspool of CRASS, IMMATURE, and OFTEN FILTHY “humor” that insiders proudly celebrate. Names like One Butthole After Another, Farty Poopreme, and Avatar Peepee and Poopoo are highlighted by Vulture’s own editors. This is the DEPRAVED mindset of the people who COVER—and perhaps CONTROL—our culture.
Over 251 teams are named after the Oscar-bait film One Battle After Another, PROVING the industry is a closed, self-congratulatory loop. They reference their own failing products with names like One Failed Glenn Close Campaign After Another—a BRUTAL admission of insider knowledge and CYNICAL disregard for the artists they pretend to champion.
The obsession extends to other awards darlings, with teams named MuadDib Supreme (for Marty Supreme) and Angie Jordan’s Hamnet, blending obscure industry jokes with pop culture in a language ONLY THEY understand. It’s a CLOSED SOCIETY, and the “Justice for…” team names—like Justice for Carol 2015 dir todd haynes—are not heartfelt tributes but VIRTUESIGNALING inside a bubble that has LOST TOUCH with reality.
The league’s #1 team is named Tracy Letts Get Loud—a pun celebrated by staffers “because it works on so many levels.” THIS is what passes for intellectual engagement at the heart of film criticism: juvenile wordplay while the art form BURNS. They are not chroniclers of culture; they are its GRAVEDIGGERS, dancing on the tombstone with a clever pun.
As they eagerly await the next empty awards ceremony, ask yourself: is this a fantasy league, or a DISTURBINGLY ACCURATE simulation of a corrupted industry that now views you, the audience, with nothing but CONTEMPT?
Questions? Feedback? Can’t find your team or mini-league on the leaderboard? Drop us a line at moviesleague@vulture.com.
Author: Kayitsi.com
