It’s not about the act itself but the accommodation you do to respect your partner.
In these relationship problems, there is something deeper that always shows the truth behind the argument. They may seem like silly discussions between two people that spend way too much time together, but in reality there is more than that. These arguments are a way to showcase a bigger problem that the couple is trying to avoid talking about. It may appear as a discussion about putting too much salt in the food, but in reality it is caused by one of the people in the couple never listening to what the other has to say. It’s not really about salty food. It’s about being unconscious of what the other person says or advises. That is the real cause of the argument.
In this Reddit story, the couple is having an issue because the boyfriend is asked to place the chopstick in rice a certain way, following a Japanese custom, but he doesn’t want to, as he thinks it is unimportant because he isn’t living in Japan. His girlfriend takes offense at this, as it is a small accommodation that would make her happy and feel respected. This argument seems to be just about culture and customs, but it isn’t. The reality of the discussion is that the boyfriend is not showing the respect the girlfriend wants to receive. She feels that what she says is not being taken into account, especially taking into account that she does respect her boyfriend’s culture. There is an imbalance in the relationship that is being showcased in this debate. The real problem isn’t the chopsticks or the culture, is the disrespect for what the girlfriend says.
The way to resolve this is compromise, as always. He doesn’t just need to start placing chopsticks a certain way. He needs to start respecting her and listening to what she has to say. His girlfriend is not just someone he can ignore and disrespect. That is not a good relationship. What she is asking for are the minimal requirements of values that she deserves, and if he can’t even do that, maybe they should not continue being together.



