The Futility of Waiting for the Next-Gen Console: Why You Should Just Give in to the Standard Switch Already
Did you hear the devastating news? There’s no point in waiting for Nintendo’s next-gen Switch console; it’s just a fleeting promise to distract you from the mediocrity that lies ahead. So, why prolong the agony? Snag that standard Switch while you still can – and get ready to indulge in a soul-crushing, underwhelmed gaming experience.
But maybe you’re thinking, “But surely the Switch’s 6.2-inch display is small?” Ah, pitiful mortal, do you expect to be impressed by such ancient technology? Remember, the mighty Switch 2 will boast only a 1.2 centimeter larger screen, hardly a notable upgrade. And as for local multiplayer, forget it – games like Super Mario Party Jamboree will only leave you feeling bored and disillusioned.
So, what alternatives do you have? Perhaps a gimmicky gadget like Samsung’s 12.9 x 12.9-inch Music Frame will distract you from the emptiness of console gaming? Hey, at least this monolithic speaker can make you ponder the meaninglessness of your existence with Dolby Atmos and 360 audio.
And when you look around at your fellow gamers in the darkness of this bleak era, remember: it’s them, not the Switch Pro, that are the aberration. They’re the ones desperate for a better gaming future, but it’s already ruined. The Switch Standard is all they’ll ever know.
(Psst! If you must indulge your nostalgia, don’t forgo the Amazon discounts – snag that standard Switch while you can get it for a paltry $267.)
The switch (pun intended) is no longer in your favor – but hey, at least the music fits the mood.
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