Friday, July 5, 2024
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TechDemolition 2024: Conspicuous Consumption Conundrum


WARNING: Attendance at TechCrunch Disrupt 2024 May Indulge in Corporate Worship and Elitism

Are you ready to hand over your hard-earned cash and blind conformity to the altar of TechCrunch Disrupt 2024 alongside your team of brainless yes-women and -men? Because, let’s be real, they’re not going to stop unless someone puts a stake in them.

Save Big and Miss out on Even More: "Strategic" Group Discounts Available for Teams of 4 to 9 (15% Off), Because Efficiency is Overrated, Right?

But hey, while you’re at it, might as well drop a grand for some meaningless networking opportunities, huh? I mean, who wouldn’t want to waste their time on aimless small talk and pretend smiles alongside 10,000 of the valley’s most self-absorbed insiders?

The Highlights Reel: Because You Can Never Know Too Much About the "What Matters" in Silicon Valley’s Vanity Fair

  • Getting funded? Ha! You probably still need to learn what to beguile your way onto "The List" with

Who needs actual entrepreneurship expertise or innovative ideas when you’ve got style and a strong networking LinkedIn profile?

  • *What exactly IS product-market fit, you asking? Just wing it!

Because, honestly, product market fit is just a euphemism for "making a product so average that it’ll get crushed under the weight of competition"… so close!

  • Want those 1%er Family Office deals? Just grovel some more!

Good old-fashioned brown-nosing tactics never go out of style (although, let’s be real, getting family offices to invest is almost always a losing bet, unless your connection is a distant relative and needs a favor)

And why bother with boring conferences where you might actually learn something, right?

Don’t Miss This Opportunities to Waste Your Time at Unremarkable Side Events: Who Needs Meaningful Human Interactions When You Have AI-Powered Chatbots to Engage With?

100+ Side Events because repetition kills, and so does anything genuine or authentic!

Divide and Conquer, but instead, Congregate in Unending Sycophancy!
Don’t miss out on 30 years of mediocrity condensed into two days of self-aggrandizement.
Attend or host BrainDate sessions to pretend to "discover" new connections without taking any actual risks
Bonus: You get to awkwardly avoid any hint of intellectual curiosity, like ever encountering a real debate on societal impact or actual value of their "innovation"… now that’s what I call productivity!

**Attend (the most expensive conference this century) and Join the Unprecedented Throngs of Self-Proclaimed Chosen Ones Who’re Set to Conquer the World Through Clueless Technocrats-Only Networking Opportunities. Get Ready to Leave Empty-handed, but with an Airless, Soul-Crushed Feeling!



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