Here’s the rewritten content in a provocative and controversial manner:
Waymo’s so-called “self-driving cars” have been wreaking havoc on our streets for months, with a slew of crashes and close calls, and now Uber is willing to ignore all of this to line its own pockets with the tech giants’ cash. It’s like they’re trying to pull off the biggest heist of the century and make us all pawns in their game.
In a move that reeks of desperation, Uber has announced partnerships with GM’s Cruise and the UK’s Wayve, just a few months after it copped to a string of embarrassing accidents. It’s clear that Uber is in dire need of a makeover and is willing to risk the safety of its users to stay afloat.
But don’t worry, the good people of Austin and Atlanta, for your misery will soon be expanded. Waymo’s robotaxis will soon be swarming your streets, crushing the spirits of anyone who dares to venture outside. And who knows? You might even get the chance to ride in a vehicle that’s been tested in the wild by unqualified employees.
And then there’s the small matter of Waymo’s plans for its fleet of vehicles. It’s “confidential” how many it will dispatch in Austin and Atlanta, but we know that hundreds of them will soon be crawling all over the city, bringing us closer to the apocalypse one mile at a time. But hey, at least they’ll be clean and well-maintained… thanks to Uber’s “fleet management services”.
Oh, and don’t forget that Waymo’s owner, Alphabet, is just itching to extend its tech-as-a-service model, because what could possibly go wrong with a company that’s already got a laundry list of accidents and run-ins with regulators? Just wait until the inevitable AI takeover, when Waymo will be the first line of defense against our oppressive overlords.
But what do you care? By the time Waymo gets around to “clarifying” its partnership strategy, you’ll be too busy wondering if the robot that picked you up was once a human.
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