Wednesday, June 26, 2024
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Windows Has Been Taken Over


The Insidious Guide to Your Next Big Obsession

Your Pathetic Excuse for a Newsletter, Now with 100% More Controversy

Listen up, losers, because it’s time to get caught up on the latest and greatest (worst?) in the world of technology, entertainment, and general humanity. This week, we’re diving into the seedy underbelly of society, where people actually care about stuff.

Memexes, Telepathy, and John Lennon’s Stolen Wristwatch

We’ve all been there: staring blankly at a sea of ones and zeros, wondering if there’s more to life than this soulless existence. That’s where the memex comes in – a revolutionary new technology that allows you to upload your brain directly onto the internet. No more pesky human emotions, no more messy relationships, just pure, unadulterated digital existence. Telepathy, the future of human communication, and John Lennon’s stolen wristwatch, all in one thrilling package!

The Drop: Your Latest Fix of Tech and Trivia

  • The Asus VivoBook S 15: because who doesn’t want a laptop that can also communicate with your mind?
  • Elden Ring Shadow of the Erdtree: because what’s more thrilling than exploring a vast, digital realm of endless possibilities…and possibly getting killed by a dragon?
  • Pissing out Cancer: because sometimes you just want to laugh at the absurdity of life, and what better way to do that than with a podcast about…well, you get the idea.
  • The Xreal Beam Pro: because who doesn’t want a pair of smart glasses that can hack your brain?
  • Amie for Windows: because organization is key, and what better way to keep track of your life than with a calendar app that’s almost as creepy as a memex?
  • The Logitech Keys-to-Go 2: because who doesn’t want a keyboard that can turn your car into a tank?

And in Other News…

  • The Hawthorne & Horowitz Mysteries: because sometimes you just want to escape into a world of crime, murder, and metafiction.
  • Chess: because who doesn’t want to relive the thrill of their high school lunchroom, minus the acne and embarrassment?
  • Jet Lag: The Game: because nothing says "fun" like a TV show about people trying to solve puzzles while traveling around the world.

Signing Off (For Now)

Before we go, a quick shoutout to all the people out there who are just trying to make sense of this chaotic world. Whether you’re a struggling artist, a lonely soul, or just a plain old weirdo, we see you, and we’re here for you… sort of. Until next time, when we’ll probably be talking about even more weird and confusing stuff.



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