That same good feeling that we get from venting, that rush of energy, keeps us from actually putting that time into bettering our situation. That is: finding solutions to the problems we are facing. Plotting a way around that same manager we are venting about, who is a living roadblock to our goals at work and our careers as a whole. Working on resolving the issues that are already living rent-free in our heads.
Then, we had a manuscript or a recording of everything that we said played back to us; we’d probably be ashamed. If we knew that the person who we were talking about might see or read it, we would probably hold back. And that is enough to tell us we shouldn’t be saying it in the first place.
I do think that, also, in some way, people can tell how you feel about them and what you say about them. When you say enough negative things often enough, the stink of it sticks to you like you ate a meal with too much garlic. Then, when interacting with those same people, they can basically smell your thoughts on you. So, whatever you’re saying behind their back about them might be coloring their feelings about you more than you’re willing to admit.
A better way to deal with these types of problems at work is to remain grounded and centered. Stop letting things and people get to you. Worry about the things that you can fix, and let everything else go.
Plus, venting to a third party like a friend or family member is different from venting to a coworker. The first is a personal situation, unless someone from work happens to overhear you. But as soon as you involve another person from the workplace, well, now it becomes a workplace issue.
Even if that coworker you confided in didn’t throw you under the bus. Even if recorded workplace conversations aren’t legal. If management or HR find out, you’re going to have the same problems. And you’ll have a hard time winning your boss over. Especially when they know exactly how you talk about them behind their back.
No matter how it “leaked,” you are accountable for what you have said or written all the same. And when someone has been able to keep a lengthy record of all the times you have bad-mouthed the company, then you are looking at a systemic issue: You. Regardless of how right you were in the first place. And at that point, there’s no one else you can blame other than the person you see in the mirror.
You can double down and blame others to protect your ego. But eventually you’ll find yourself wishing you had put all that energy elsewhere.
Author: Kayitsi.com
