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BMW M5: Electrified and Obese


BMW’s Obese M5 is a Wake-Up Call for the Industry: Is the Luxury Car Giant Finally Losing Its Way?

As the 2025 BMW M5 prepares to hit the market as a plug-in electric hybrid (PHEV) for the first time, the motoring world is left scratching its head over the behemoth’s behemothic weight. Weighing in at a staggering 5,390 pounds, the new M5 is a full 1,000 pounds heavier than its predecessor, making it an uninvited guest at the weight management group.

But why does this matter? Well, for starters, it makes the M5 heavier than most trucks, including the 2022 Chevrolet Tahoe, the 2024 Lucid Air Sapphire, and the 2024 Range Rover Sport. That’s right, folks – the M5 is now on the same scale as the SUVs that BMW loves to mock.

And yet, unlike Lucid’s EV, the M5 can’t even blame its bloated size on a bulky battery pack. With a battery only big enough to go 25 miles on electric power, the M5 is basically just a gas-guzzler with a fancy electric mode tacked on.

But wait, there’s more! The M5 PHEV can still manage a 0-60mph time of 3.4 seconds and a top speed of 190mph… under gas power, of course. And when the battery runs low, BMW’s engineers have decided to turn the engine into a makeshift charger. Because, you know, efficiency doesn’t matter when you’re driving a tank on wheels.

And don’t even get us started on the "Heart of Joy" system, which promises to "react ten times faster" than before to things like wheelspin and locked-up brakes. Sounds like BMW is trying to compensate for the M5’s lack of agility with some fancy tech wizardry.

Is this the beginning of the end for BMW’s vaunted M division? Will the company continue to churn out bloated, uninspired vehicles that are more focused on style than substance? We can only hope that BMW is simply going through a phase, and that they’ll return to their roots with the next model. But until then, the motoring world will be left wondering – is this the new standard for high-performance vehicles?



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