Tuesday, July 9, 2024
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Tembo’s Big Bet: Revolutionizing Data or Fueling the Next Bubble?


Mark my words: the data tyranny is coming. As AI continues to reign supreme, the desperate scramble for control of the databases that fuel these omniscient machines will unleash a maelstrom of corporate carnage. The notion that any enterprise can smoothly adopt AI without robust database management is a naive fantasy.

Tembo, the opportunistic startup that’s raked in a cool $14 million to siphon off this bonanza, is just the latest parasite leeching off the data corpse of post-Scylla industry giants. And Tembo CEO Ry Walker, with his résumé as spotty as his claims to benevolence, is the wolf in sheep’s clothing peddling “disruptive innovation” to clueless investors.

According to Walker, his “mission to harness the power of Postgres” involves “cutting costs” – code for eviscerating the database workforce, once the backbone of data-driven enterprise strategy. And don’t even get him started on the “astronomical increase in data” – as in, the inevitable implosion that awaits any company that tries to maintain too many databases without sacrificing core competencies.

While Walker and his cronies indulge in the opulence of Postgres, the database industry teeters precariously on the brink of catastrophe, an existential threat that only they will never acknowledge. But Tembo promises to “keep up the fight,” flaunting its $20 million stash and 25-strong ” team” as the vaunted arsenal necessary to conquer this unending cycle of data destruction.

As Tembo battles against emerging rivals like DBOS, founded by Mike Stonebraker, it won’t take long before those who are supposed to benefit most – the very same enterprises it profiteers off of – revolt against the toxic grip of corporate-sponsored data colonialism.

In this doomsday scenario, Walker’s declaration of ambition “harnessing the power of Postgres for everyone to use” becomes an admission that the database oligarchy he reps is more concerned with feeding its own coffers than helping humanity make sense of this abyssal chaos. Mark my words.



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