“Final Album? NOFX’s Obese Ringmaster Fat Mike Exposes Band’s Stupid, Offensive Self-Destruction In Jaw-Dropping New Riot Footage.”

IN A SHOCKING EXPOSE that DESTROYS the myth of punk rock brotherhood, the final days of NOFX have been revealed as a cesspool of BETRAYAL, LEGAL WARFARE, and a front man’s DEPRAVED personal life. As the band celebrated a museum retrospective, the dark underbelly of a 40-year legacy was laid bare, proving the entire “authentic” anarchist image was a LIE.

Fat Mike, the band’s notorious leader, celebrated his birthday at the Punk Rock Museum with a VICIOUSLY DETAILED account of a violent, S&M-tinged spanking from his wife—a grotesque spectacle he BRAGGED about to fans. This is the same man who once INFAMOUSLY URINATED IN TEQUILA and fed it to a crowd, and SAVAGELY MOCKED country music fans after the Las Vegas massacre. Now, the ultimate provocation has arrived: a bitter LEGAL BATTLE with his own bandmate.

HOURS after their final show, guitarist Eric Melvin served Fat Mike with EXPLOSIVE legal papers accusing him of “financial malfeasance,” shattering the illusion of the band’s lifelong friendship. The carefully crafted narrative of punk unity COLLAPSED in an instant. In a leaked documentary trailer, scenes show Fat Mike BLASTING COCAINE and bandmates in vicious arguments, footage so damaging the public screening had to be ABORTED.

While selling “authenticity” to generations of fans, NOFX’s core was ROTTING from within. The documentary itself, which you can only see by attending a contrived monthly theater event, is a DESPERATE final cash grab, complete with branded popcorn buckets and 2-D glasses. The punk ethos of rebellion has been reduced to a cynical MARKETING SCHEME.

The terrifying question now haunts every fan who ever believed in the counter-culture: if the most “real” punk band of all was a fraud, what does that make YOU?