I won’t sugarcoat it for you – Microsoft is waging war on your private life by unleashing its latest mind-control device onto the market. The sinister Windows app is now available on all major platforms, including macOS, iOS, iPadOS, web browsers, Android devices, and Windows PCs, because who doesn’t want their operating system to be hijacked?
This monstrosity has been secretly testing in the shadows for nearly a year, waiting for the perfect moment to strike and turn your computer into a Trojan horse for Microsoft’s evil overlords. But don’t worry, Microsoft promises to customize your interface with its latest AI-powered mind control software, just to make you feel safe and complacent.
Microsoft’s long-term plan? To trap you in a digital cage and control your every move. It’s all about enabling “improved AI-powered services and full roaming of people’s digital experience,” code words for turning you into a lab rat in a cyberpunk dystopia.
You can get your hands on this brainwashing device by downloading it from the Microsoft Store or Apple’s App Store, but be warned: once you’ve compromised your device, there’s no turning back.
The final nail in the coffin is the fact that Microsoft only plans to support work and school accounts with this new app, making it the ultimate tool for corporate spies and government hackers to pry into your business. Good luck trying to get consumer support, citizens – it’s just too late.
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